Chase Your Dreams

I think that, of all the things we "waste" during our lives, dreams are the saddest. When we are young, we all have dreams; "I'm going to be an astronaut.", "I'm going to cure the common cold.", "I want to be an explorer.", etc.... They were very real to us and we were sincere but then we'd watch a movie and want to be a cowboy or a pirate. As we get older, we dream of being the underdog and rising against all odds, like Rocky or eradicating hunger throughout the world. We knew no limits.

As we get older, we may learn that we are claustrophobic so being an astronaut is out and the pirate's life is not as glamorous as we originally thought. We learn that dreaming is good but you have responsibilities; the mortgage company does not care that you are the best table tennis player in the county. We hold on to the dreams but they are reserved for quiet moments of reflection waiting for the weekly status meeting to start.

Harry Chapin once sang, "you're supposed to dream when you are young."^* Is this true? Do we run out of time to make the dream a reality? When is it "too late" and why don't we realize it beforehand? What held us back to begin with? So many questions but what are the answers?

There are certainly outside influences, such as physical limitations or some life-changing event that forces you in a different direction; a broken leg may not heal properly, dashing your dream of being an Olympic sprinter. Your family and friends may support your dream to a degree but urge you to “think long-term” and question how you will be able to make a living. This is a very strong influence and can plant the seed of doubt that we cannot prevent from growing.

I think the most common reason might come from insecurity. We just don’t know if we are good enough and that keeps us from trying. When you have done your best, and it isn’t good enough, that is a bitter pill to swallow. The fear isn’t necessarily of failure but of learning we weren’t as good as we thought and that is terrifying. We may not even be conscious of it. It’s like being at the edge of a creek you want to cross – you can try to jump the five feet to the other bank or walk a quarter mile to the footbridge. Do you take the leap or the safe route? Too often we decide to go the “safe route.”

Of course, not everyone turns their back on the dreams. A world without dreamers would not only be boring but we would probably still be drawing pictures on cave walls. Every generation has their dreamers who aren’t afraid – whether they dream of building a new country, explore the universe or, yes, cure the common cold. Without them there would be no telephone, no automobiles and no Beatles! Can you imagine a life without The Beatles? Aunt Mimi told John Lennon, “Playing the guitar is all very well, John, but you'll never make a living at it.” Thankfully he didn’t listen to her, in fact, years later he had those words put on a placque and hung it over her fireplace.

That’s what it boils down to – find your dream, put your head down and charge at it with all you’ve got. If it works out, great! If it doesn’t, learn from it and move on. It could be that your dream was unrealistic or maybe you weren’t quite prepared. You can re-group and try again or turn to something else. The important thing is that you tried. When you try, there are two possible outcomes – success and failure. When you don’t try, the only possible outcome is, essentially, failure. It’s been said that at the end of your life you don’t regret the things you did as much as you regret the things you didn’t do. Go out and take the chance. Give your dream a shot. It may not work out but that’s okay. Failure doesn’t define you as a person unless you let it.

So, Harry was right – you are supposed to dream when you are young – but don’t stop there. Seize the day. Chase your dream. Don’t let anyone get in your way or into your head. You don’t want to be sitting at a desk one day and wonder, “What if?”

^* "Dreams Go By" by Harry Chapin

Remember When the Music

I have seen many live performances over the years in many different venues - from small halls like The Bottom Line to outdoors in Giants Stadium. I've seen upcoming, unknown bands as opening acts. I've seen superstars like Ringo Starr, The Eagles, Beach Boys, Bruce Springsteen and The Who. I've enjoyed them all but aside from Ringo, it was Harry Chapin that I most enjoyed seeing. I saw him five (5) times - the last was in late 1980 at the State Theatre in New Brunswick and John Lennon was still alive. I had seen him earlier in the year at the Garden State Arts Center (now PNC Art Center) and was looking forward to a rare twice-in-a-year treat. I had a seat near the aisle, we got there early and hung out waiting for the show to begin. The time came for the show to begin but the stage was dark. It remained dark for quite some time - what was going on? It wasn't like Harry to start late. Suddenly I see someone run past me - just a blur - and jump up on the stage. Harry has arrived at last! He explained that his van broke down on Rt 18 just after he left the New Jersey Turnpike and he actually got a ride from an elderly couple who had stopped to see if he was okay. They offered to drive him to the show; in return he offered them tickets to the show. They looked at him and asked if he played "rock and roll". He smiled when he told us he wished he could have said "Yeah, I'm Bruce Springsteen." I was glad he got to the theater but really disappointed when I learned how. You see, about an hour or so earlier I drove right past where he broke down! If the timing had been better it may have been ME who drove him to the show.... It was, of course, another great Chapin show but sadly, it was the last time I saw him perform. I had tickets to see him perform at the Garden State Arts Center in July 1981 but he died on July 7th in an accident on the Long Island Expressway. I still have the ticket....

Remember When the Music - Live at The Bottom Line

You may have wondered why I mentioned earlier that John Lennon was still alive when I saw Harry last. If you listen to the recording at the top of this post it will explain everything. I, like millions of others, was crushed when I heard of John's murder and I remember playing this song, thinking about John. The song helped me. Then Harry was killed seven months later. The song brought with it a whole new meaning, as did some of his other songs. It was years before I heard this version recorded at the Bottom Line in New York City. It is difficult to listen to the introduction knowing what was to happen only months later.

I miss Harry and his shows. The banter between him and the band - especially Big John - was priceless. I'm glad for the live albums because they do a good job of conveying the experience and YouTube has been great because I can find recordings that weren't released on disk. There is a full concert video of the benefit that Harry did in October 1978 for the Bill Bradley campaign. It was only Harry - no band - but he did sing a duet with Chevy Chase! The show is priceless and I was there! Here is a link - Harry at Capitol Theatre. If you aren't familiar with Harry's music I encourage you to check it out. I'm sure you know Cat's In The Cradle and Taxi but there are so many others. Corey's Coming has got to be one of my all-time favorites, especially the live version on Legends of the Lost and Found.

I hope you Chapin fans out there enjoyed this little homage to Harry. If you have any memories to share, please do so in the comments below. If there is one thing that I learned from Harry is that no matter how bad things may be or how bad you may feel "you can ALWAYS count on the cheap seats!"

Advice to Fathers - Listen to "Cat's in the Cradle"

"My child arrived just the other day
He came to the world in the usual way
But there were planes to catch, and bills to pay
He learned to walk while I was away"

The snippet above starts the song Cat's in the Cradle by Harry Chapin. It is one of his biggest hits and it was a big influence on the father I became. If you are not familiar with the song I have a link to the YouTube video below.

The song is all about the father-son relationship and how they get so wrapped up in life they have little time for what really matters - each other. When I was growing up the circumstance was quite similar; my father worked during the day, came home for dinner and then went to a second job not coming home until after 10:00 PM. He didn't work on Friday night but worked the second job for a half day on Saturday. This meant he was home on Friday night, Saturday afternoon/evening and all day on Sunday. There was some family time but there was also time when he was busy - working in the garage (he did woodworking), working in the yard or a combination of both. I was able to help a bit but mostly I could watch if I was home. What I remember most is going to dinner at my favorite pizzeria and visiting my father’s family on Sundays. He never got to see me play sports, didn't get to chaperone class trips or see me perform in variety shows at school. As I got older I decided that I was going to do everything I could not to miss out on my children's growing up.

When I heard Cat's in the Cradle for the first time there was an instant connection. This was the essence of my life and the antithesis to my plans. You can say that it became my anthem. I have had a number of opportunities to work in Manhattan, very good opportunities, but I turned down most because of the lost time at home. When the kids were about 8 and 10 I had no choice but to take a contract job in Manhattan. This was during softball/baseball season and I missed every one of their weekday practices and games. It so happens that many of the weekend games got rained out during that time. Until that time I was at every practice, game and school event that I could; definitely anything after work. I will never have that time back and I was happy when the contract ended.

For me it is a quality of life issue; I could make a lot of money and miss out on life or make enough money to life comfortably and make a life worth living. I think I made the right choice. My kids are in their 20's now but they still remember the times we played together or did other activities. For me, that is worth more than money, you cannot buy memories like that.

So, my advice for you first-time fathers or fathers-yet-to-be is to listen to Cat's in the Cradle and learn the lesson being taught. The boy in the song wanted to grow up to be like his father and, to the chagrin of the father, he did!

Harry Chapin - Cat's In The Cradle