Goodbye, my friend....

Goodbye, My Friend

I sit here mourning the loss of a friend. I met Johnny in 1965 and spent countless hours playing, riding bikes, guitar lessons – you name it and we were doing it together. Johnny had a fort in his backyard under a huge tree – this was a REAL FORT like the one in F-Troop and the tree had a rope ladder hanging from the lowest limb into the fort.

There was a crabapple tree a few blocks away – we would fill a couple buckets, ride back to the fort, climb into the tree and throw the apples at imaginary enemies trying to overtake the fort. It was a great “climbing” tree; we could climb high enough to see the racetrack a mile away and even beyond that if we went a little higher!

We took turns being Zorro in sword fights or talked about the latest Batman episode. When we were 10, our mothers conspired to get us to take guitar lesssons – promising us we might one day be on the radio. He ultimately went with electric guitar while I took the classical route. I remember his electric guitar well and I remember the day he bought it. Even though I decided to study classical guitar I always wanted to have his guitar - I wonder what ever happened to that guitar.... (SPOILER ALERT! We never performed on-air….) Jimmy lived around the corner from Johnny – the corners of their backyards almost touched – and it wasn’t long before Jimmy joined us. Jimmy was with us for many things but most memories of those times were of just we two.

One of our favorite bad weather activities was to take out my Viewmaster projector and have slideshows in my darkened hallway. We would take turns narrating with whatever popped into our heads. We were quite creative for a couple kids who had never been anywhere.

Shortly after I turned 12 (Johnny is about 2 months younger than I), Lenny moved to the neighborhood and immediately joined “The Gang” but, looking back, the dynamic changed; the four of us did a lot together but when it broke down to two (2), it was now Lenny that I partnered with. We became the inseparable duo that Johnny and I once were. The four of us packed a lot of adventure into the relatively short time together. We were “thick as thieves” and I thought we would be a force to be reckoned with forever. It turns out that “forever” was not as long as I thought….

Johnny’s father was a Little League coach even before we were old enough to play. His team was the LIONS and every kid in the neighborhood was guaranteed a spot on the team. He was a good man and one of the best coaches I ever had the privilege to play for. He died in August 2013 – I was sad but it was good to see John, his mother, brother and sister. This was the last time I saw John and, despite giving him my contact information, I never heard from him after that.

He's Alive!

I started writing this (longhand) during the, nearly, 3-day period that we thought Johnny was dead. I learned on Saturday afternoon that he was, indeed, still alive. An incredible wave of relief washed over me and I could not wait to let Lenny & Jimmy know. I then started to tear this story out of my notebook and throw it away but stopped. I realized it is still pertinent: I am still mourning the loss of a friend. It isn’t a physical loss – I could go to his home, ring the bell and say “Hi!” – but an emotional loss. I don’t ring his bell because all indications seem to point to his not wanting me to. The signs have been there for years but, til now, I refused to see them.

Lenny and I have done a lot of chatting lately – especially this past week – and I learned a few things that were disturbing to me. I say this, not about things I learned about others, but things I learned about myself. Self-discovery can be quite liberating but it can also lead to even more questions.

When I was trying to learn what happened my wife asked if I could think of any friends who may have kept in touch with Johnny – I couldn’t think of a single person. The more I thought about it the more I realized that I don’t know very much about his life after the age of 16 or 17. It is as if we became acquaintances – strangers even – and just exchanged pleasantries on the rare occasions that our paths crossed. How does this happen? Was I so wrapped up in my own life that I shut him out? Why has it taken 30 or 40 years to learn things that others accept as “common knowledge?” I don’t think I can ever have the answers but I don’t think the questions will go away either.

We (Lenny, Jimmy and I) spent the better part of 2 ½ days trying to confirm what we had been told of John’s death and, finally, on Saturday I found a phone number for his office. I waited for their office hours were almost over to call – hoping to speak with John but knowing I would get an answer either way. John wasn’t there but the woman on the phone assured me he was alive – at least no one in the office had knowledge to the contrary. She said she would get in touch with him and, worst case; she would call me later in the day but that I would have an answer that afternoon. An hour later, I had my answer. The woman called to say she spoke with John, telling him of our conversation. He was on the road somewhere but they had a good laugh and she told him to make sure to call me. I thanked her and anxiously awaited his call. I know that most rumors are based on fact – I wanted to know if he was okay but really just wanted to hear his voice. As I write this, I have been waiting a whole week.... I have come to the realization that he will not be calling at all….

Epilogue

That is what got me thinking about the course of our friendship and where is went off course. The question now becomes – what do I do going forward? I can’t stop caring but do I stop reaching out? Do I try again to get in touch and then stop? The answer is clear, even if I don’t want to acknowledge it; I have to respect his unspoken wishes and let him live his life. Not every question has a simple answer; some may not have an answer at all while still others lead to more questions. The sooner we can recognize that, there better off we will be.

You may have read my earlier post about “Stand By Me” (Stephen King's Stand By Me - Every Boy's Story) – I mention my “partners in crime” and how the movie makes me think of us. There are a number of lines that strike right at the heart of things – one that I thought of when writing this is spoken by Gordy at the end of the movie, referring to Chris – “Although I hadn't seen him in more than ten years, I know I'll miss him forever.” At the end of the movies comes one of the most insightful of any in the movie and I will close with it:

“I never had any friends later on like the ones I had when I was twelve. Jesus, does anyone?”

“Not all those who wander are lost.” - J.R.R. Tolkien

I overheard my wife and son talking in the car and my wife read this quote to him. They are both Tolkien fans. I am not but I loved the quote and thought it was a perfect fit for me to write about. It's funny what inspires us sometimes. Ringo Starr makes a slip of the tongue and John Lennon writes "A Hard Day's Night". I overhear someone talking and get an idea for a blog article. Does that put me at the same level as John Lennon? I wish..... My point is that you never know when or how you will be inspired but if you keep your eyes and ears open, good things will eventually come your way.

My Wandering

Now, on to the subject at hand. I love to wander and do so whenever I get a chance. Whether it is for 20 minutes at lunch or hours on a weekend morning, taking a new way back to the office after lunch or a leisurely bike ride, wandering about is great for the body, mind and soul. My wandering over the past couple years has taken me to several cemeteries, eight (8) county parks, two (2) state parks and a couple national recreation areas, all in New Jersey. I have explored beaches and woods, historic sites and places that are just fun to explore. Until now the wandering I have written about has been done on foot but I recently got a bicycle and hope to start riding again soon. The bike is great because I can cover so much more area on each excursion but it still affords me the luxury of taking everything in. The bike also allows me to carry more equipment with me, such as a tripod.

The Images

The photos included here are from several hikes that I have taken during my various excursions. Earlier I wrote that I love to wander but I didn't tell you why and I am sure that inquiring minds want to know. There is no single answer to that question - some times it is because I am not anxious to reach my destination (the long way back to the office) or maybe it's because I was curious as to what was on the other side of the hill and I had to explore. I think the main reason is that it gives me time to think, time to reflect on "the bigger picture" and time to attend to my spiritual, emotional and mental well-being. People spend a lot of money laying on a couch talking about their problems to someone and that's okay but it isn't for me. Some turn to their church (synagogue, temple, etc....) for solace and answers to their problems and that's okay, too. Me? I prefer walking around in the woods or finding a good fishing hole to wet my line and just let myself go. For me, there is no better way to recharge the batteries.

In closing

So remember, just because someone is seems to be wandering about aimlessly do not assume he is lost. It could be me looking for my next photo or a secluded spot to sit and reflect on life. Give it a try yourself and see if you don't agree how liberating it can be. My one suggestion is to make sure you have a map - I wouldn't want you to get lost....

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All photos are copyright Joseph S. Valencia All Rights Reserved They may not be used in any way without express written permission of the photographer. If you wish to use any of the photos you may contact the photographer at valencia32photo@gmail.com

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Interview with Songwriter Dave Evans

Dave is a friend of more than 10 years and, with this interview, we have come full circle. You see, we met when Dave called me in for a job interview in 2006 for a programming job he was looking to fill. It was a strange interview because it was more like a couple friends having coffee than a job interview and it turned out we became good friends. We held many of the same beliefs, professionally, which led to my being hired but it was music that we most talked about.

We are both fans of the music of the 1960’s – The Beatles, in particular – and we had many discussions during the day and at lunch. While we both lived through Beatlemania and have our memories, Dave is older than I so he has more vivid memories and from a different perspective. It is always interesting to talk to someone who remembers what it was like and when Dave talks about those days you can see the excitement is almost as fresh as it was more than 50 years ago.

Despite all of the talk of music, it was months before I discovered that Dave wrote music. If memory serves me my introduction to Dave’s music was “Mary’s Song”. I instantly connected with the song and it remains my favorite Dave Evans original. I have heard the song come from rough, fast song to a love ballad that really captivates you. I have been fortunate to experience the songwriting process through the last 10 years – sometimes I get an excited text message about song that is nothing but a new chord progression and a few minutes later I am listening to a rough recording. There are other times when the lyrics come and I get a recording of his working through the melody. I am always impressed by the end result – he has a talent that many of us would love to have – but I think what is really interesting, for me, is his enthusiasm throughout the process. His songs are his children (though he has more than a few) and he nurtures them as such, always worried if he is doing them justice or if he could have done something better. If you ask me, he has served his children well – both human and music – and they represent him well.

Personal questions

What is your favorite childhood memory?

Wow, that's a tough one because there were a few... I'd have to say the first time I saw the Beatles on Ed Sullivan. I was with my dad and we lived on the fifth floor. As soon as the show was over I ran to the window and saw three of my friends down on the corner yelling up to me to come down and join them... I was not allowed to go out on Sundays nights at that time so I just turned around and gave my dad that sad look you give when you really want something... He seemed to realize that this was a special time and told me to go down and see my friend BUT to only stay right on the corner so he could see me from the window... It was awesome cause as soon as I got to the corner the four of us formed our Band and spent the rest of the night (1 hour) thinking of names for the band. Every car that passed from Mustang to Montego was considered... The funny thing is I don't remember what name we decided on but I'll never forget the experience... And yes, we did play a few gigs...

What are the five foods you can’t live without?

I love so many foods it's scary BUT I have to admit I'm addicted to Potato Chips... I can give up cookies, Chocolate and Ice Cream but I just can't seem to give up the Chips... I LOVE Prime Rib when I go out to eat and Veal Parmesan when in an Italian restaurant but I can do without them...
(Joe: I think potato chips are the downfall for most of us – I don’t think there is ever a bag that is “big enough”)

What’s the best advice anyone has given you and who gave it to you?

My Dad always gave me good advice. He would tell me to judge people by what they do and not by what they say and boy has that proven to be true... He would also tell me that money wasn't everything but to remember I had to pay the bills and Shoprite didn't accept Titles or job descriptions, only money.
(Joe: that’s great advice, all of it.)

What is your favorite thing to do when you aren't making music?

Another good question... I love reading, playing on the computer, learning new things and meeting new people... In the summer I LOVE being on the beach. I keep my umbrella and beach chair in the car all summer so I'm ready to go at a moment’s notice... I like getting there early in the morning and staying till at least 1 or 2 in the afternoon, then I walk the boardwalk at night. It is fascinating to me all the different people and couples you see when you walk the boardwalk.

If you could spend an hour with any famous person, past or present, who would it be and why?

Only ONE!!! Musically I guess it would be John Lennon because I always liked his music and songwriting... I would LOVE to have both John AND Paul in the same room and talk about each of their songs and what they were thinking when they wrote them... I would also love to compare my songwriting process with theirs and see if we do it the same way... History wise I would love to sit down with Abraham Lincoln and talk about what he was feeling during the Civil War and how he arrived at some of the decisions he made during those times. I would also like to ask the "Founding Fathers" how they feel about where our country is going and if it's where they thought it would be when they first formed it... I know, I cheated...
(Joe: interesting choices – not sure we are ready to hear from our “Founding Fathers”, though)

Professional questions

Why music?

I love music and can't picture my life without it. The funny thing is I always wrote words, I guess you would call them poems, with a musical idea in my head BUT I never actually put real music to them. When my late wife Mary passed away I started playing the guitar again (after stopping when I was 13), probably to take my mind off of her passing. One of the first songs I wrote was Mary's Song which I still have trouble performing live without getting emotional. Over time my music changed from sad to less sad to sometimes happy... It's been 13 years now and hopefully my music has evolved enough where it has many moods and generates many different feelings.
(Joe: I can tell you; YES, your music (and recording) has evolved many-fold over the intervening years and continues to evolve. Dave & I collaborated on a video for "Mary's Song" that you can view on YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dLCSDKycY10)

Can you explain your music in 10 words or less?

I can do it in one, FEELINGS... I write songs to either generate feelings or express my feelings. It is my way of saying things I have trouble saying without music. Every song I write is saying something, either explicitly or buried somewhere within it. They are not all heavy messages or statements BUT if they are not saying something I won't write them.

What is your greatest musical achievement?

Every song I write... I always considered myself a songwriter and not a performer so to me it's the song that's important, not my performance of it. I just hope I do them justice when I record them. Every song I write has something to say, I just hope I say it in a way that other people hear the message.

If you could open up for any artist, past or present, who would it be?

Obviously The Beatles but we all know that can't happen so maybe Elton John or Bob Seger. How about Tom Petty or Train...? The Eagles would be cool too. Can I throw in Elvis and Buddy Holly???

Where do you draw inspiration from when you write/play/sing songs and what’s your favorite part about the process?

I usually start off by writing about a situation I'm experiencing or feeling. Sometimes I stay with that throughout the entire song or I stray into other things to expand the experience. Other times I picture myself in a different situation and write about how I would feel being there. An example of the latter is "Life Wasted" where I was writing about a man who only cared about money and not his family. I was trying to write about how he would feel when he was older and had no family around him. I was putting myself in that situation because I have a very close relationship with my family and had to guess how I would feel. Yes, it's all about feelings for me.

Bonus question:

What are your Top 5 "Deserted Island" albums?

WOW only 5!!! OK, Bod Seger's Live Bullet, Cat Stevens Tea for the Tillerman, Led Zeppelin's Led Zeppelin II, Elton John's Goodbye Yellow Brick Road and The Beatle's White Album... The reason I picked the White Album instead of Abbey Road, Revolver or Rubber Soul is because there are more songs on it... hahaha

Dave has an Artist page on BandCamp where you can listen to more of his music, as well as purchase songs. His page is https://daveevanssolo.bandcamp.com/ and I encourage you to check it out as soon as you finish reading this post.

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All photos are copyright Alexander DiMauro All Rights Reserved They may not be used in any way without express written permission of the photographer. If you wish to use any of the photos you may contact the photographer at ajdimauro@gmail.com

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Shhhh – there’s a deer but where are my keys?

In 2011 and 2012 I spent a lot of time walking at Thompson Park in Lincroft, New Jersey. The park was only 10 minutes from my office and I often went during my lunch hour or after work. The following is an account of one of my after work visits in early December 2011.

I started my walk on the Paved Trail. There is a loop just to the south of the Marlu Lake parking lot that I have walked before. It gets dark so early in December and I couldn't really hike the woods after work so I picked this trail again. I was going along and noticed that there was a small trail leading off into the woods and down to the water. There was still enough light for me to make a detour and so down I went. I walked along the water a short way and found this squirrel running across the path. I was able to get the shot shown here and he took off. I turned around and headed back to the pavement. I had completed the loop and there was still plenty of time before I had to leave – the park closed at 5:00 – so I continued past my car, past the lake and headed up towards the top of the hill. When I approached the top, I saw a small deer in the clearing and took a couple shots. The light was poor and I didn’t expect much (I was right – notice there is a picture of a squirrel, not a deer) but I am sometimes surprised and so I shot. I also decided to shoot some video footage and so I swung the camera bag around, took the camera out and shot some nice footage. It was then that my keys (remember my keys, this is a story about my keys) somehow came off the carabiner that holds them on my camera bag. There wouldn’t be much of a story if I had heard them hit the pavement or somehow realized what had happened but I didn’t. I continued my hike up the pavement until I came to a dirt trail that runs along the woods back down to the paved trail by the lake. It was getting close to 5:00 by now and dark enough so I wasn’t even looking for a photo op. I was just heading to the car.

When I got to the car I swung the bag around to get my keys and came up with a handful of nothing. That’s okay, I thought, I must have put them in my pocket. Nothing. Coat pocket? No. Zipper compartment in bag? No. I then realized that I had checked everywhere, three times, and they were lost. I even looked in the ignition – not there either. With light quickly slipping away and panic rapidly taking over I took off running along the trail – retracing every step. I decided not to detour into the woods because by now it was too dark and dangerous. I ran (and walked, I’m still a bit out of shape….) along the loop and then realized I was going to need help. I had to at least have a flashlight. A few weeks earlier I thought it would be a good idea to put all of the Ranger Station phone numbers into my cellphone in case I got hurt along the trail. I called the Thompson Park Ranger and got the Monmouth County Parks System main office. Of course, they close at 4:00 (or 4:30) and weren’t going to help me. How about Tatum, maybe they could radio the Thompson Park Ranger – I got a recording. My now I had run/fast walked almost completely around the loop and approaching my car. The keys had to be somewhere on the way up or down the hill but it was too dark. I reluctantly dialed 911. I explained the situation, apologized for calling about a non-emergency and was told by the operator that I had done the right thing and he would call the Ranger Station. I met the ranger at my car and we drove up the hill. Lo and behold the keys were right where I was standing when I grabbed the video camera. What a relief! I apologized to the Ranger for taking him away from whatever he was doing – I felt like a fool – and he assured me that this wasn’t his first lost key excursion. By now it was 5:10 and I had walked about 3 miles. I got into my car, put away the camera and headed for home.

I didn’t get the name of the Ranger but I would like to thank him just the same. I have had several interactions with Park Rangers at Thompson Park over that past couple months and they have all be great. There was one who is also an avid photographer. She stopped me one day to ask if I had gotten any good shots – that day wasn’t eventful but we talked for a while about different adventures. On another occasion a Ranger was driving by and pointed out a spot that he thought I might be interested in shooting. He was right. Most times it is just a wave as they pass but they are always there when you need them and always make you feel welcome.

Now…. what to do with my keys?

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All photos are copyright Joseph S. Valencia All Rights Reserved They may not be used in any way without express written permission of the photographer. If you wish to use any of the photos you may contact the photographer at valencia32photo@gmail.com

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Happiness is where we find it, but rarely where we seek it

Happiness is where we find it, but rarely where we seek it. - J. Petit Senn

What a great quote! It is simple, to the point and incredibly true. Everyone wants to be happy and we all seek it. Thomas Jefferson spoke of it more than 200 years ago and it still holds true today - "We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men are created equal; that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights; that among these are life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness."

The problem is that happiness can prove to be quite elusive and sometimes it seems the more we go out looking for it, the harder it is to find. I have found, and lost, happiness more than a few times in my life but rarely when or where I was looking. I had people telling me where to look (supermarket), when to look (Thursday night) and what time to look (after work and before dinner) but for the most part it proved elusive.

I had all but abandoned the search when I found it standing on a street corner waiting for a bus. No, it wasn't raining and there were no umbrellas (The Hollies - Bus Stop) but there it was. That was nearly 30 years ago and I will leave the story for another time. Suffice it to say that I found happiness that day and I wasn't even looking for it. It hasn't always been rainbows and puppy dog tails but nothing worthwhile ever really is. Right?

Happiness doesn't always mean human companionship, either. There are many who are happy living a solitary life and the freedom it affords. They have other endeavors that fill their needs and make them happy. There is nothing wrong with that! You may find your happiness in a rewarding career or hobby. If it makes you happy and you feel your life is complete never let anyone tell you otherwise. The moral of the story is that no matter who you are there is someone or something out there ready to make you happy. Don't ever stop looking but don't let the search take on a life of its own. Don't get discouraged if happiness eludes you for a while, it is there. I promise!

Image is courtesy of Pixabay and is used under Creative Commons License.

Welcome!

Welcome to my world!

From the Mind of Joe Valencia is a glimpse into my world - who I am, what I think and how I got to where I am today. The common theme to this blog is that there really isn't much of one - this is where I am going to write stories, some true and some made up, discuss current events or just rant about something that rubbed me the wrong way. Through these pages I hope to entertain you and maybe make you think.

I love to make people laugh and try to bring a bit of humor into most things I write, not matter how serious the subject matter. I am still in search of a "sarcasm" font, if you find one please let me know! I also intend to use these pages to discuss serious topics affecting us today.

I welcome comments from everyone - whether you support what I write or disagree, I am always open to a civilized discussion of the facts. If you have an idea for something you would like to see me write about, feel free to leave a comment and I will consider it for an upcoming post. You can also email me at joevalencia64@gmail.com if you don't want to make your thoughts public.