Emotion and Memory Triggers - What Makes You Happy? Sad?

Has this ever happened to you; you're sitting in your living room watching television when you suddenly feel yourself smiling for no apparent reason. Maybe you can no longer listen to a song you always loved. It could be a smell that elicits a fond memory or even a single word. These are just a few of what I call “emotional triggers” that can make you happy, sad, mad, nostalgic, etc.…. You may not even realize it; I know it happens to me sometimes. The funny thing is that the same trigger may make you happy one time and sad the next.

For me, smell seems to be the biggest trigger and it almost always brings me back to my youth. There are times when I’m not even sure the smell actually exists and that it is just a figment of my imagination. It is almost like I am subconsciously thinking of something and then my brain conjures up the smell, triggering the memory. I’m sure a psychiatrist would love to get me on a couch and analyze that!

The smell of lavender instantly brings memories of my maternal grandmother and the smell of a baked ham will always mean Easter at her house. The smell of pipe tobacco is a strong trigger – my great-uncle, Verner, smoked a pipe, as did my uncle, George, and my father-in-law, Mike. Now that I think of it, maybe the “phantom” smell isn’t so odd – I remember speaking with my great-aunt, Inez, shortly after Verner’s death and she told me that there were times when she would turn expecting to see him because she could smell his tobacco. Tomato sauce (yes – sauce, not gravy) cooking on the stove always reminds me of my mother making sauce on Sunday.

There is a certain smell or combination of smells, that reminds me of being at my Aunt Sissy’s house on a Sunday afternoon but I just can’t describe what it is, but I can tell you that whenever I eat a black olive or see a kid putting them on their fingers I am instantly drawn into her kitchen. That clean smell you get stepping outside on a morning when the grass is covered in dew – that brings me to Inez’s house and the time I spent there in the summer growing up.

There are verbal or audible triggers, too. If I am watching any sporting event and someone complains about a call, or lack thereof, I hear the words coming out of my mother-in-law, Joyce’s mouth. She was quite a passionate fan of the New York Giants and let the officials know when they weren’t doing their jobs – especially when the Dallas Cowboys were the opponent. The word “melancholy” brings mixed emotions – my grandmother told a story one time of when she was growing up; apparently she had quite a difficult time pronouncing the word and put the emphasis on the second syllable instead of the first. She told that story more than 40 years ago and it is the first thing I think of whenever I hear or read that word. If I hear “Lassie” or even the theme song I think of my children, the kids absolutely loved the 1994 movie and there were days when it might get played three times in a row! It would be on when we were building towers out of cardboard blocks or building something with the plastic Lego-style boxes that wipes came in. There are a lot of words that elicit memories of the children growing up – far too many to even count.

I mentioned songs in the introduction and there are plenty. I wrote about The Power of Music and how certain songs trigger very specific memories. I wrote in that post about Harry Chapin’s song, Circle, and that I cannot listen to it anymore, especially the live version. There are a couple reasons – the first being that Harry closed every show with that song; it contains the line “we’ll all be together again” but we won’t. The other reason is because it makes me think of friends and family who have died and it makes me sad. The other song I wrote about is Ringo Starr’s, Photograph. I loved that song growing up but since Ringo introduced it at The Concert for George; he said that since George died the song had new meaning and, like Circle, listening to it makes me melancholy. (Note: I just smiled when I wrote that – did not intend to use melancholy….)

Songs also trigger great memories like Pete Seeger singing There Was an Old Woman or Tom Chapin singing The Cousins are Coming and Bruno. These were songs that we listened to when the kids were young. We took them to see Pete Seeger perform at a Clearwater Festival at Sandy Hook when they were maybe 3 and 5. I printed a couple pictures and put something on them about how the kids loved Pete and we gave them to one of his stage hands after the show. We tried to meet him but they wouldn’t let us in. A week or so after the show a letter showed up addressed to the kids – it was from Pete! Can’t Help Falling in Love and In My Life are special songs; I proposed to my wife dancing to the former and our first dance after we were married was to the latter. I don’t dance anymore but don’t really have an option if they are played at a wedding reception or other event….

There are the visual triggers. My first car was a blue 1966 Chevy and whenever I see a blue car of that era I immediately think of it and Inez. The car was a gift from her; she promised it to me when she bought it, when I started to drive she would give it to me. Well, I had to wait almost two years after I started driving it but I finally got it. It was a four door, “three on the tree” and had no radio. I only had the car for a few months in 1978 when I was rear-ended at a stop sign. The car was totaled. This was just before Christmas and I was afraid of how she was going to take the news when I saw her. I don’t remember her reaction but we all got through it so it couldn’t have been too bad.

Watching the Little League World Series reminds me of my days playing Little League and then watching my son play. The same goes for the College Softball Championships – my daughter played softball and I have fond memories of watching both. If I see someone skiing I think back to the first time I ever skied – my wife and I went on a trip shortly after we started dating. I caught on fairly well and decided to go to an intermediate slope. We were taught how to snow plow in order to stop and it worked quite well. The problem is that I was going rather fast and when I tried to snow plow the tips of my skis crossed causing me to come to an abrupt stop – this is very much like applying only the front brake on a bicycle. I went tumbling head-over-heels before coming to a stop in a heap at the bottom of the hill. The goggles I was wearing had pulled away from my face long enough to get filled with snow and then go back in place. Embarrassing…

I also think of my wife whenever I see a clown or Harpo Marx. The first Halloween we were together she dressed as a clown and I had a picture of her on my desk at work. My co-workers had never met her and that was the only photo I had. She came into the office one day and when I introduced her one of them said “So, you are the clown.” I got a “look” until I showed her the photo on my desk. She was Harpo a year or two later.

I could go on for a long time, so many triggers to so many memories, but I think this is a good time to stop. What are your triggers? Let me know in the comments below.

The Power of Music

I love music! Whether I am listening to classic rock, classical guitar, bluegrass, jazz, folk, etc…. or playing it myself, I love music. I learned to play guitar when I was in the fourth grade and in sixth grade began playing classical guitar. I took lessons until sometime in high school when I got too busy to continue. I must admit, I got to be pretty good. I don’t play much anymore, I bought a guitar a while back when my kids wanted me to teach them and then bought a classical guitar in 2009 but usually only play when I get together with my friend, Dave. Dave writes songs and we get together every once-in-a-while and play some of his stuff - stay tuned, I will be writing about Dave in the coming weeks. I had learned a great finger-style version of “Can’t Help Falling in Love” and got to be competent with it a couple years back. Most of the time, though, my indulgence in music is as a spectator. My first choice would be The Beatles or maybe one of their solo efforts. I grew up listening to The Beatles and then to John, Paul, George and Ringo as solo artists. Just about every song has some memory attached to it. When I was growing up my siblings and I would spend two (2) weeks every summer in Flanders, New Jersey visiting our Great-Aunt Inez. These two weeks were always the highlight of my summer. There were some summers when we would go camping with my Great-Aunt Viola and her husband and I seem to remember my grandmother being on at least one of the trips. You see, Viola and her husband had a Winnebago that they traveled all over the country in and a few times we took a short trip with them. It is one such trip that comes to mind whenever I hear “I Want to Hold Your Hand.” One of our favorite games to play was Hangman and we were playing one afternoon at the campsite, listening to the radio. “I Want to Hold Your Hand” came on the radio while we were playing. Shortly afterward it was my turn to guess the phrase that Inez was thinking of. I failed…. When time came to unveil the answer it was “I Wanna Hole Your Han.” I told her that wasn’t right but she insisted that is what they were saying. All these years later and I can remember it almost like it was yesterday and it never fails to bring a smile to my face. That is the power of music.

There was a pizzeria in Little Silver that my friend, Lenny, and I would go to that had a jukebox. I remember listening to “Helen Wheels” by Wings while having a few slices of pizza. “Mind Games” brings me back to a friend’s birthday party when I was 16 years old. She had asked me to bring some records with me and “Mind Games”, the album, was one of them. We were outside listening to music, laughing and having a good time. The song was playing and I heard something like “watch this” and the next thing I know one of the girls pulls me over and plants a big kiss on my cheek as someone takes a picture. It was a year or so later that we dated for a while and are friends to this day. George Harrison’s “Crackerbox Palace” brings me back to high school and a varsity basketball game but I honestly don’t know why. I vaguely remember helping a friend, Jeff, with something and he bought me “Thirty Three & 1/3” to thank me but that might not be right. “Las Brisas” by Ringo Starr also brings me back to high school but I think of a friend, Andy. Details, once again, are a bit sketchy but I remember singing it and when I got to “yo te amo” he turned to me and said that he liked me too but not that way. Andy later became employed by WPLJ-FM in New York but sadly died of cancer while still a young man.

Of course “In My Life” is the song that my wife and I danced to at our wedding and so that brings a whole bunch of memories; after nearly 25 years we are still making memories together. Elvis Presley’s “Can’t Help Falling in Love” is the song that I proposed to her to while we were dancing at my bowling banquet at The Squires Pub. She is a fan, as am I to a lesser degree, and the song just seemed like the appropriate time to ask her to marry me. I also remember having to speak with her father the next day but that is a different story. It’s funny how things work out.

There are so many more songs and memories, not all of them Beatles-related either. The songs of the Who, Eagles, Simon & Garfunkel, Turtles, Box Tops, Platters, Harry Chapin, etc… the list goes on and on and on. There are some songs that I really like but have a difficult time listening to. “Circle” by Harry Chapin is one of them. I love the song but cannot listen to it anymore. I also have a hard time listening to “Photograph” by Ringo Starr. Ringo sang it at the “Concert for George” and said that the song has taken on new meaning since George’s death and ever since it is difficult for me to listen to. Both songs induce great memories but also make me miss those with whom the memories were made. I would, however, like to have everyone sing “Circle” at my gravesite service when the time comes.

On that note I think it is time to say good-bye for now. I hope you enjoyed reading this installment of my rant-fest and hopefully it brought a smile or two to your face. If you have any song memories you would like to share, please feel free to comment below. I would love to hear from you!