Help!
I think I have fallen victim to Jason Voorhees. Wait! It may have been Michael Myers but, then again, maybe it was Freddie Kreuger or the Candyman! Could it be The People Under the Stairs? Where's Norman? HELP! Someone is after me, I just don't know who!
You see, I grew up watching thrillers/sci-fi/suspense shows and movies. When I got into my late teens and twenties I started going to horror movies. I've seen all of the big ones - Psycho, The Exorcist, Halloween, Friday the 13th, Nightmare on Elm Street and Candyman to name but a few. I'm not a fan of the newer stuff though - The Ring, Saw and the like are too much anymore. I do, however, like the Scream series - horror and parody is a fun mix. I also learned something from Scream; never, ever, say "I'll be right back!"
I am not what you would describe as "paranoid" but I have found certain things creeping into my daily life that make me think I have seen too many horror movies. See if you are finding yourself doing the same things.
You know you have watched too many horror movies when....
- You enter a dark bathroom and have to look in all of the stalls. Have you done this? We have a small men's room in the office with two stalls. There are times when I go in and the lights have been turned off. I now find myself opening the door to each stall and making sure they are empty. I have seen far too many pair of boots show up under the door....
- Check the ceiling for removable tiles in case someone is hiding there. This goes along with the first item. I've made sure no one is hiding in a stall and then I check out the ceiling - is it solid or does it have removable tiles? We all know how sneaky these guys are; hide in the ceiling and then lower yourself down by one arm while wielding a machete in the other.
- Look behind the shower curtain. It is surprising how dangerous the bathroom is, huh? Now, I know that Marion Crane was in the shower and "Mrs. Bates" pulled back the curtain but still.... This one actually has some basis in real-life; an acquaintance told me once that he awoke in the middle of the night to find someone had crawled in through his bathroom window (protected by a silver spoon, perhaps :-) ) and was hiding in the bathtub. I cannot go into a bathroom without checking out behind the shower curtain. I don't care if it is sheer - I have to push it aside and check it out. Every time!
- Look behind the door after entering a dark room. I do not always do this, sometimes I just push on the door until I am convinced no one can be behind it. I guess this is a bit cliche' but you never know. How many times have you screamed at the poor soon-to-be victim when you see the glint of light coming off the knife behind the door.
- Look in the back seat of your car before opening the door. Every time! On the rare occasion that I forget or can't see inside I lean over the seat and swing my arm around to see if I hit anything on the seat or floor. The killer is always in the back seat! This is another one that is based in real-life - there are stories (urban legend?) of people hiding in the back seat. I don't know anyone personally who has experienced this but I have read stories.
These are my Top Five - there are others, probably A LOT of others, but I think I will stop here. How many of these do you find yourself doing? What have I missed?
To Jason, Freddie, Michael and friends I have a message for you - "I know you're out there and I'm ready for you!" I think....
